Respect

I suppose this could just be me, but I believe that respect is a virtue that has been moved farther and farther back on the burner. How disappointed I am in individuals that I hold in high esteem show disrespect for others. The pain that I have when I see someone doing this is near unbearable, but oh the pain when one directs the disrespect towards me. Life is a hard enough struggle, but to have someone that belittles you from disrespect is just another load of suffering... Be respectful! Even if you can't stand the individual, show a little respect and acknowledge their existence as a human being. Don't make the burden someone else carries more difficult than it already is.

Introduce yourself

I have been a pretty withdrawn person in my life. My routine was to speak to those whom I already had an acquaintance with and avoid conversing with anyone else. It took me many years to realize how silly bashfulness is (I don't say that to offend). Some of my high school regrets come from this ridiculous attribute. Fortunately I have the future to look forward to, and hopefully I will be able to put this characteristic behind me.

One day in high school my friend took the opportunity to go and introduce herself to another student that was new to the area (because my hometown area was so small new students were easy to pick out). This simple act has always astounded me. Friendships are made after introduction, and my friend was quick to begin another.

Graduation was one of the most fun times of my life (that includes the Senior Trek). It was also the most difficult time for realizations. The biggest regret I had hit me while practicing for graduation night. I had the great opportunity to sit next to one of my best friends. However, on the other side of me was a guy that I did not know well and rarely said anything to. I tried to be cordial as I would when talking to anybody, but he was the better. The young man is paralyzed from a car accident, but he still had great manners and was more willing to be friendly. He teased that if his legs were in the way to just kick them back over because it wouldn't hurt. I laughed at his joke, and was happy that he considered me as a friend. Right then I realized I had missed out on one friendship. Who knows how many opportunities I had passed up.

So, it has been my goal to make sure I am more outgoing and introduce myself whenever possible. I have even been on a date with a friend who got upset with me because I took the opportunity to introduce myself before he could perform the introductions. Maybe it was rude of me to do that, but I have come to believe that it is better that I just go forth. I also find that if I am open to people I have more fun and enjoy myself a lot more.

Now, I am not perfect... I realized that I don't always talk to people easily, but I know that I will get better as time goes on. I am not going to let go of the opportunity I've been given to meet other people... I will try to warm up to other people as quickly as I can.

Trust me; I trust you

One night, after viewing a late showing of Rocky Balboa, my roommates discovered the joy in trying all the youthful mind games on me. Of course I enjoyed relaxing and meditating, but I as well as all of my roommates were surprised at how well these silly games worked on me. I found the whole thing quite hilarious, but I was quite surprised when someone exclaimed that I trusted other people easily. I had talked to another friend about trusting people just a week or so before, and the recurrence of the topic set me to thinking. I brought it back up a little while later and one of my roommates assured me that the reason I was easily influenced was because I was 'open' to things. I can understand how that works, but I continued thinking about trust and wondering if I'm too trusting of other people.

A quote that comes to my mind when thinking about trust (this is weird that I actually remember this one, but I contemplated putting it in my graduation speech) was quoted by Frank Crane. He said, "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." How much I have thought about this statement, and I have come to accept it as my belief of trust.

Many times in life we are fooled- have the wool pulled over our eyes. A trusting person is the most likely to be fooled or deceived easily, but a true friend will not be unkind enough to test this of the person. On the other hand, not trusting a person enough can be the mistake of the person who is doing the trusting. Trust is key in any friendship, but how easily trust can be lost by either person in the party. Not having the confidence of a friend is painful, and having someone take advantage of you is hurtful. Therefore, Frank Crane was correct.

I am willing to accept what others may say making me a very open person. Personally, I have come to trust anyone so long as they don't provide me with a reason not to. But, if given a reason to distrust an individual, I know I am unwilling to believe them again. I'm positive my trust is hard to regain back. I probably won't bestow my acceptance on a being so willingly if they have already misled or hurt me.

Now, I understand that many will consider me to be a foolish idiot to trust in other people so willingly, but I have come to realize that this is the way to find out if the person is a true friend or not.

Who really cares?

I have come to realize that a commonly used phrase among my generation, and this includes myself, is, "I don't care." (Another common form of this phrase is, "It doesn't matter." I say this to clarify if I use this phrase in replace of the first.) I happened to say this to one of my roommates just the other evening, then just as a side note, I also said, "I say that a lot. I guess I don't ever care enough." The situation in which I expressed this was a truthful use of, "I don't care," but the afterthought got me to thinking. Do people really care? My response to this question is yes.

There are many individuals that would step out of the way for anyone! I believe that these people will be more disposed to say, "I don't care," to please those around them. Perhaps once in a while the person who is stepping aside will, in all actuality, have an opinion or care about what happens. Using the phrase, "I don't care," in this situation is one major way to avoid having to deal with any disputes or differences in opinion. I know that if I use this reason I don't want to hurt a relationship that I have or make the other person feel as if they have done wrong. Once I make a friendship, I want to keep the friendship. Not letting some disputation even arise is a simple way to do so. I feel almost as if I must accommodate my feelings for the sake of others, and that doesn't bother me.

Perhaps, the greatest reason why someone would reply with, "I don't care," when they really do is fear. No one likes to be caught off guard, and a simple remedy is to act as if it didn't really matter. In a sense this fear deals with a person's pride. The matter has become personal to the offended, but instead of going out on a limb with truth, they "don't care." Feelings and emotions are then concealed and the offender doesn't know what they may have done. So, replying in this manner is a form of protecting one's self. A mask- or persona- hides what the offended may be feeling.

I have made it my personal goal not to cover up the way I feel with a simple, "I don't care." However, I realize that I will probably say it again in my life. It has become a reflex for me to say this just to maintain an even tone in the conversation. My feelings are difficult for even me to understand, and I find that I require time to contemplate the information or action before giving a logical response that is not bitter or unkind. So, the purpose of saying, "I don't care," is to protect one or the other person in the conversation. Maybe, if it's right, make sure the person is OK with everything.

Family & Hero

My family has been an amazingly HUGE influence in my life. A lot of teenagers don’t want to hang around their family… ever… However, I love to be with my family. My mom is crazy, but way fun! My dad is a good advocate in whatever my brother and I do. My little brother has been my friend since we were little and would make ant houses out of Legos (it’s true! we did that). My half siblings are amazing too! My older brother just returned from an LDS mission in Texas, and what an example he has been to all of us. My sister is wonderful too! She has a great personality that makes her the sweetest person alive! She also has a hubby and two cute, cuter than life, little boys! It’s always fun to hang out with them.

But it's not just my immediate family that I love. I have a very close extended family on my mother's side of the family. As I have already mentioned, my mother is crazy, and she gets that from her side of the family. I love the wacky relations that I have. All my uncles are wacky, and all of my aunts are amazingly talented: one is a great seamstress another, a scrapbooker! My cousins are great friends, and our relationships have grown a lot since we were little.

Then, above all of these I have someone who is so dear to my heart! He is currently 91 years old and is the sweetest person I know… My great grandfather is my biggest hero in the world. I couldn’t always say that because when I was littler I never realized the importance of actually being acquainted with him. But as I grew older I realized that I was so blessed! I have heard him tell stories of his life with my great grandma (who has recently passed away) and experiences he has had. How amazing it is to know that this bent figure held high jump records at one point in his life.

My grandfather is a very large man… quite the opposite of my great grandmother who was only about 5 foot… but the bigger he is the more love he has for the family. I’m unsure of my grandfather’s height, but I know that he was tall (why I didn't inherit that trait, I don't know). He was a strong man too. However, my great grandfather is a sweetie! Every time I go home, I have to visit him just so I can give this man a hug. There’s no better feeling in the entire world than hugging a 91 year old, giant man that tells you he loves you. I also have a confession… I have held hands with only one man in my life… and he just happens to be this 91 year old grandfather of mine. How hard the death of my great grandmother must be for him still- my only wish for him now is that he will find comfort in his other family relationships until he is reunited with his love again.