Fear

I have a couple of things that I really am afraid of: running water (rivers and such), people (those creepy peeping toms), trains, and flying (I have never done it, but allowing myself to be trasported at such speeds and such high altitudes just doesn't interest me). Of course I know I have to get over most of these fears to actually live! I can't just stop using water- it's too vital. People- even the creepy ones- happen to inhabit the earth. I have to cross train tracks to get to the other side. Flying, however, will just have to wait. I have no purpose to go up there soon.

I realize my fears may help me decide some of my choices, but I have a hard time allowing these things to control how I live my life. Just this last weekend I spent a full hour inside the Hoover Dam worried about weather I was actually going to live through the experience. But look at how AWESOME that dam is! Look at how amazing it is that people can actually fly! Why do I fear the things I do? Why do I feel these things have to control my life?

Water scares me because of a personal experience that I share with select people. All I have to say is that it is powerful, and many people underestimate the actual grandure of it.

Oddly enough, most of my fears come from dreams. I had a horrible dream when I was younger about someone who was peeping into my window... I woke up right after I saw this person and never found out if he was hostile or not. It's really silly to think that this dream has affected the way I look at people. Not once in my life have I EVER had someone peering through the window at me (excluding the time my dad did that). The chance is still there, but what is the likelyhood that it will ever happen? Maybe it's just that one time that I fear... perhaps I believe all peeping toms to be hostile. I know some are not because I know some people that actually try to get a scare out of people. Luckily I have good friends that know better than freaking me out like that. Riley once scared me like this. He was just standing in the dark in a room that I passed. When I caught sight of him I screamed and ran for my bedroom. He literally made me cry by trying that out... He hasn't tried doing that since.

Another dream affected my fear of trains. I am suprised at this one though. This fear happened to come about only about a year ago. In this dream, someone died by being hit. Now every time I cross the tracks I worry that I will be hit. I look both ways, but I still feel as if a train racing at the speed of light may plow into me. Strange, it's just like a creepy concious fear.

Planes, well I can't complain much. I'm sure will have the unfortunate opportunity to get on one sooner than I would like. Although I greatly fear the idea, I'm sure it will outway the many hours it would take to actually travel by car and boat.

Even though I may fear something that others do not, people have their own fears. They may chuckle at the idea of a small creek freaking me out, but they probably don't understand the magnitude that I place water. These other people may fear something that I wouldn't even think twice about, but I have no place to laugh at another individual's fears. All I could ever say is that I have come to see my fears as something that could cause a threat, but I cannot allow my life to be dictated by such things. I am in total control.